| Michael Angier is the founder and CIO (Chief Inspiration Officer) of
SuccessNet based in
South Burlington, Vermont USA. He’s a father, husband, writer, speaker,
entrepreneur, coach and student. He's also the creator of The World Class
Business™ Conference. |
A
few days ago my wife and I found ourselves in a dilemma.
We rarely have arguments, and I
wouldn't characterize this as one. It was, however, an upset. Hurt
feelings, frustration, misunderstandings and ego all played their
negative roles.
We've been together for almost ten
years and have worked through many of the challenges of any marriage
including blended families, teenagers, illnesses, money issues and
the like. We feel blessed to have a compatible, supportive and
loving relationship, but it wasn't just given to us; we worked for
it.
So it was a bit surprising for us to
find ourselves in the midst of an issue that didn't appear
resolvable. We were at a loss to even accurately describe what the
issue was.
People rarely fight about what they
THINK they're fighting about. Knowing this, we still found ourselves
stuck. We both expressed our inadequacy to find a way through the
quagmire while at the same time realizing that this issue was
keeping us from our steadfast commitment to constantly improve our
marriage and ourselves.
At several points we were tempted to
chalk it up to a case of Mars versus Venus and two different people
having different and conflicting needs and wants.
But we kept talking. We kept asking
questions. We tried to "Seek first to understand". It
wasn't always easy, but we kept digging.
And then it happened.
Staring us in the face was the
beautiful truth. Not the ugly truth. Not the bitter truth--just the
truth. It was something that didn't even seem all that related to
what we thought the issue was. It was something two intelligent,
dedicated people had failed to see in almost ten years of living and
loving together.
We both felt several pounds lighter.
We started breathing easier. Our faces brightened and we felt not
just relieved but joyful.
You may want to know what it was, but
it doesn't really matter. It's too personal, and it wouldn't really
add anything to this story.
The point is, the upset was the
catalyst for a breakthrough.
And this is true in all
relationships--whether they are intimate, business, social or
relationships between countries.
What's key is having trust in the
other party, having some shared values and having a commitment to
seeing things through.
With these things as the foundation,
a relationship can withstand and even grow through any controversy
that arises. What appear as breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs.
For more on this subject, see my
article: Top Ten Ways to Create Breakthroughs at http://successnet.org/topten/TTbreakthrough.htm
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